Ten years ago, I was named Global Head of Video at The Wall Street Journal and added to the masthead. It was small print, but it was there.
Suddenly, I was responsible for a global team of fifty people, in New York, Hong Kong, San Francisco, London, and Washington, DC.
A new chapter of leadership was beginning.
Shortly after my appointment, I received an email from Human Resources inviting me to participate in one-on-one management seminars with a no-nonsense supervisor who oversaw the newsroom’s center, The Hub.
She was direct, confident, and unafraid to challenge assumptions.
She had been tasked with strengthening the leadership skills of those taking on larger roles within the organization. That was me.
My coach explained that her goal was to equip me with tools to navigate The Wall Street Journal’s deadline-heavy and often anxiety-provoking environment.
We would delve into conflict resolution, communication, delegation, supporting change, developing talent, and giving performance feedback.
Each week, I would bring her a real crisis or conflict I was dealing with, and we would talk through the best way to address it.
Of all the insights I received, one lesson struck me harder and more personally than any other. My coach said, “If you remember nothing else from our training sessions, Andy, remember this. Listen, do not judge. If you listen to what people are saying before judging them or their motivations, you will be a better manager than most.”
I felt the words hit me like a punch. If only the people who had bullied me in newsrooms for years had taken even a moment to listen. If only they had paused before lashing out and undermining me. But as I walked back to my office and looked at my team, heads down and working diligently, I had a sobering realization. I was not always the listener I believed myself to be. I could be judgmental. I could be impatient.
And yes, there were moments when I raised my voice or pounded a table or interrupted someone whose opinion I disagreed with.
I had to confront a painful question. Had I been a bully boss?
This question stayed with me for days. It terrified me because I knew precisely what workplace bullying felt like. And I know the damage it leaves behind.
I sought advice from Dr. Gary Namie, the founder of the Workplace Bullying Institute and a leading expert on organizational aggression.
He reminded me of the definition of workplace bullying. Repeated health-harming mistreatment of one or more people by a boss or supervisor. Repeated behavior. Repeated harm.
He asked me three direct questions.
“How often did your outbursts happen?”
“A few times a year,” I said.
“Was it always directed at the same person?”
“No.”
“How did you feel afterward?”
“Awful,” I admitted. “I often ruminated about it. I did not apologize every time, but I did more often than not.”
Dr. Namie nodded. “Andy, you are not and have never been a bully boss.”
I thought about that for a long time. In my entire career, not one of my bully bosses ever apologized for their belligerent behavior. Not one ever circled back to repair a relationship. Not one expressed remorse.
That is the difference between losing your temper on a hard day, or being “hangry,” and being someone who uses anger and the abuse of power as a management tool.
So, the question becomes: When is it acceptable for a leader to lose their temper, and when is it not?
Contrary to popular belief, the issue is not perfection. Leaders are human. Pressure builds. Emotions run high. Even the best leaders will snap on occasion. The key distinction is simple and profound. A momentary outburst is not bullying. A pattern of repeated, targeted aggression is.
And this form of workplace incivility harms individuals and damages businesses.
Outstanding leadership is defined not by whether you lose your temper on occasion, but by what you do after you lose it.
Here are the differences I have observed over the course of my media and television production career and in my work with leadership teams and workplace bullying victims.
Five ways bully bosses react under pressure:
- They look for someone to blame. They focus on fault, not solutions.
- They lash out and humiliate.
- They use fear as the motivator.
- They believe intimidation drives performance.
Five ways great leaders react under pressure:
- They pause before reacting
- They own their behavior quickly
- They apologize sincerely
- They learn and model humility
- They repair the relationship
Losing your temper once in a while is human. Fixing what you broke is leadership. This builds loyalty and trust.
Repeating the same behavior and harming the same people over and over is bullying. It provides no benefit to the employee or the business.
Leaders will always face pressure. What defines them is whether they turn that pressure outward or inward. Whether they use it to harm or to reflect. Whether they justify their reactions or take responsibility for them.
The best leaders model emotional intelligence, humility, and integrity. They know that authority is not an excuse for aggression. And they know that their team is watching every move they make.
As James Baldwin once said, “The most dangerous creation of any society is the man (person) who has nothing to lose.” The same applies to leadership. Workplace incivility and degradation without accountability causes trauma. Anger with accountability and responsibility generates growth.
